5 April 2017
Memories that Last Forever
“You aren’t loved, and you never will be.”
Those may not be the exact words that were said, however he showed them with the actions he used against my brothers and my mom.
Joe, my biological dad, often used his actions to harm us. He wasn’t fit to be a parent. It wasn’t until my brother Travis went to school with a black eye that someone finally called the police on Joe. I refuse to call him my dad because all he did was hurt the people around me that loved and cared for me. It was hard to be forced to see my loved ones in pain. It was also scary seeing someone do that to the people that I cared about without being able to do anything about it. The only thing I still clearly remember were the screams of pain and agony coming from my mom and my brothers. As well as, police sirens and lights showing up on a regular basis.
I was a young, cute, little girl. Nobody wanted to harm me. However, seeing my loved ones in pain will continue to be an experience I never want to relive. That experience alone hurt me. It also, effects with the way I see relationships now in my life.
My mom was so dependent of someone in her life that she couldn’t leave him. Because of this, my siblings and I had to be put in the foster system. Our mom loved us, but she couldn’t do what was right to take care of her children. I moved to two foster homes before I was adopted. However, my brothers had to experience many other places that effected the way that they will see people around them for the rest of their lives. They had to deal with many different people coming into their lives which makes them take their relationships for granted because they didn’t have the same people continually giving them love. I notice in my relationship with them that they don’t know who wants to show them love and who wants to make them feel unloved. However, with the experience that I had in foster care, I didn’t feel the love that I now experience. I was able to learn who was going to love me through it all and who was faking it. I now don’t take my relationships for granted because I have been put in some difficult experiences.
I still remember many experiences where the police came and punished my brothers for things that they didn’t even do. That happens to be one of the largest reasons why I am so afraid of police to this day. Every time I see one, I shut down. I want to cry because of all the bad memories I have with them. Other instances when I didn’t feel loved included of the times when my foster family didn’t allow me to stay hydrated after a certain time. This made me extremely thirsty and in need of water. I stole the cup from the fridge that was stopping a leak and took it to a bathroom and drank from the toilet because I couldn’t reach the sink. Another time included when I had to go to the emergency room to get my eyebrow glued closed because I got scratched by their cat, but they told the hospital that it was my fault because I was up past my bedtime and I fell off the top bunk. However, I slept on the bottom bunk.
These experiences have made an impact on who I am today because they have helped me determine who I should shut out of my life because they will be bad for who I am. Although I still have many situations that make me feel vulnerable, I work through them because these situations have made me a stronger person. It has taught me to be strong because I have been through bad situations that not very many people have. I also have had to stay strong for my brothers because they have experienced the worse end of this situation. All of this gives a story that can encourage people to just keep going because it can get better. I was given a family who loves me and wants nothing bad to happen to me.
One thing I have done to try to overcome this adversity is, the fact that I wrote a letter to my biological grandma to try to track down my mom to get answers. I haven’t gotten all my answers yet, but I will learn more to help me understand why this happened. I may not have completely overcome this, but it has gotten much better than when I was a little girl. I will continue to receive answers, which will help me cope with the events that happened in my past. I also thank God every day that it happened because if it didn’t I wouldn’t be blessed with everything that I have. I am now stronger and have many experiences that will help me to keep going in the future. I now know that I have many people who love me and care about me. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for this happening. Sometimes it really isn’t fun how I’m not able to see my brothers and tell them everything I’m thinking, but if it weren’t for this experience I wouldn’t have a loving family who cares for me and loves me for who I am.